“Ya nicked, pet”. DCI Vera Stanhope, the lugubrious, owl-sharp protagonist of Ann Cleaves’s novels and the long-running ITV Geordie-rama series, may never have actually uttered the phrase, but it is how I shall always think of her. Hard but lovely, like all Geordie women. If I ever commit a Tyneside murder, with convoluted subterfuge and unlikely competing narratives to mask it, I hope to be arrested in this way.
Yes I accept it: the plot lines verge on the nonsensical, the acting is mixed, the accents even mixed-er (any form of generic northern will do, it seems, though not often an actual Tyneside accent). There is certainly something of the Northerners-presented-as-Southerners-would-wish-them-to-be (I think in particular of the use of dialect words that sound generically “northern” but are certainly not Tyneside: “oh no, she’s put nee butter in me butty!” exclaims Vera’s sidekick in the first series upon inspection of an air sandwich). Still, it’s comfort-viewing at its most comforting.
Particularly agreeable to those of us from the North East is seeing familiar locations onscreen. My parents never tire of repeating with amused incredulity their exasperation at Vera’s ability to get from her house on Holy Island to Newcastle city centre in under half an hour. Or her turning a corner in Jarrow and somehow being in Blyth.
Here’s a piece of trivia: the murder victim in the very first episode was played by none other than the Geordie Springsteen, Sam Fender. He was drowned: literally seventeen going under.
So beloved is the show back home that the Newcastle Evening Chronicle runs a Vera-related story most days. A search this morning on the paper’s website (one of those unreadable, pop-up mired sites that local papers seem to be obliged to use to stay afloat) reveals a Vera story every single day for the last week or so. She is to the Chron what Princess Diana is to the Express.
Any social media posting by a cast member warrants a story: on 27 February, for example, Brenda Blethyn, the Academy Award nominee who plays the title character, answered on twitter a question from a fan of the show:
“How do you manage to get a picture of all the suspects on the witness board in the station? Even if they’re missing, pet?"
Offering a response, Brenda replied: "passport drivers licence social media or from family."
The Chronicle felt this worthy of a story: Vera’s Brenda Blethyn clears up show ‘mystery’. This is not sneering: I love how excited people get about it. I remember it being a major event in Shields when Vera was filming down at the Marine Park and by the beach.
There is much concern at the moment that the show might have broadcast its last. The actor currently playing Vera’s sidekick posted to Instagram a picture of him and Blethyn with the caption “thanks for the memories”, prompting such Vera-induced nihilism as “Please don't tell me this is the end of Vera. I don't know what I'd do with myself if it is” Come on, loooooove, as the sleuth might say. That said, I’d be very sad if we’d seen the mac-wearing, bucket-hatted back of Vera.
Vera. I love Vera.